Finally! Its friday!
Well, its been a tiring week!
Today, was alright :) I passed 10 rounds race :DD Anddd..Got A1 for Emath :)))
Chem test was alright, but I was being dumb with the QA -.-

But I guess the part of today was PlaybyhEARt's first 'official' rehearsal :) We're preparing something special for a special group of people :) I think I could have enjoyed it even more though, if not for the headache -.- and the fact that I just spilled all my panadol in my jacket pocket and had to throw them away xP kept spilling things in my pocket yesterday. I felt in my other pocket and got a shock -- The unfinished biscuits from morning  break spilled out of its packaging and crumbled in my pocket O.o

Another day passed really quickly :P

Went for the long jump heats today, just kinda glad that I didn't embarrass myself too much, although I didn't qualify. Mrs Bowness said it was kinda pity cause I wasted a good distance by constantly taking off too early :( I estimate about 15cm too early? Man, I did want to qualify, but oh well.
Bio test was kinda hard and confusing. Just hope I don't do too badly.

Got really drenched in the rain today, despite having an umbrella. The meeting was quite fun. I'm glad we have a really friendly and funny mentor :)


Back on sunday, I felt a sudden lurch?? in my stomach, just a wierd, numb-ish feeling when I opened by dairy on sunday. I'd boxed up 23rd to 25th April and wrote "FLL world Festival". If we had won just like we did for the past 6 years, we would have been on the plane to America. Well, whats over is over and I guess we tried our best. I feel a bit bad though, that I might have messed up technical/project pres. :(  I guess whats important now is to help the juniors win again. But I guess its really the experience that counts and its good that both teams walked away with an award. :)



I realize that the best condition to think in is on a rainy day, in a shelter, listening to music. I thought of how much has happened withing the past four months. I realize that whatever happens, we will eventually find a way through and be happy. I guess with regards to this situation, I am 'on the road to recovery'. I guess all I can do now is to pray for the rest. Like I said, I still do care for my best mate.

I read an article somewhere, can't remember where and what exactly it is about. But it said something about making an impact in others' lives. I do hope I did make a positive impact to those around me/whom I've once met or known.

Weekend!!!!

Feeling quite happy today, at least, considerably better than I felt in weeks. It will take time to be completely extremely happy though. But yes, I think I feel better~

Though I think I have done really badly this term, Probably messed up my best subject because I forgot to boil the solution in Bio SPA skill 3. T.T And I don't think I did my filing for Bio very well either. Oh well, enough of that, no point worrying over whats over. I shall work harder (for real) for the coming tests and mocks! Math and Amath are so far so good, better keep it there and improve! 

Anyway, got a pokey thing in my finger during PE today. Did notice it until I realized that it hurt when I grab the ball/bat. I don't think it was a splinter but I just called it a splinter anyway cause I didn't know what else to call it. It was a tiny blue thing but it hurt quite a bit xP Couldn't get it out with my fingernails. So I tried to get Yt to help me take it out. And someone informed Nicci. So I ended up with a horde of people crowding around me and it was kinda embarrassing cause it really wasn't that serious xPPP Gah. Awkward turtle. Nicci    got me to try to use tweezers to get it out myself but I can't manage teensy stuff with my non-dominant hand. So it the end, Kimberly got it out for me. Haha, we all laughed when we saw how small the thing was. So strange that such a tiny thing would hurt. And now as I type, I realise that 'so' is not merely a "口头禅" but it occurs really often in my typing as well xD 

OH well, that aside, I have finally recruited by band members. Although they are not the usual group I hang out with, I feel really glad that I found people with the same passion ~ to pursue our interest and to inspire others and ourselves through music.

Its Friday~ Going to school soon.
Friday timetables are quite horrible. Theres tripe Amath today T.T One during cirriculum, two for remedial T.T

The week that just past was alright I guess. Felt considerably better than I did last week.~ It will take time I guess.

Its down to the last 3 sessions at cca :( I'll really miss SC robotics!

Its wednesday today! doesn't really feel like a wednesday, though, for some reason. Still feel tired, may take a nap after this :P

Managed to get my javelin past the two point mark today ^^ normally I would just scrape the two point line but today it was almost at the 3 point mark xD So thats good enough I guess xD I'm that unatheletic xD
Got back my geog test today, Mrs Chua got my hopes up by telling me I improved but turns out it was only for the LORMS. Overall, I deproved by 1/2 a mark because I was reading too much into the question. It was so much easier than I though -.- Gotta do better for the next test !
MT Mock was kinda hard, it makes it worse that its on the remedial slot cause our brains are just not functioning anymore ://

Its Tuesday today~
I really like Tuesdays cause there are no remedials and the the lessons are usually quite nice :) The school seemed kinda peaceful today after all that action from the carnival. Other than the remnants of the burst balloons and several forgotten posters, it almost feels as if carnival never happened. Oh well, I'm looking forward to the next one already :))

The test went pretty okay, in fact, I am quite confident of doing better than the prose test :D I guess they decided to take it easy on us after the horror of the prose test xD And thank God for the miraculous free period today, at least I had time to organise and fill in some gaps in my MT file ;)

Feeling kinda drowsy now, probably because of the late night filing last night xD Gonna take a nap~

SC Carnival

Back from carnival, aching and tired but it was fun. Boring at first but became more fun when you have more friends with you. The redemption stall was so -.- though, and the horse derby turned out to be a monkey derby.
Spent a lot this year *guilty*, but on very random things, guess I overestimated the amount of coupons I needed, shouldn't have taken the extra from mum. ://

Well, it turns out that between friend and xy, things are patched up, which makes me relieved. I would feel happy for that but at the same time, a sense of emptiness. I still don't know why she hates me so much. Worse still, I still don't know what I have done. Normally, I wouldn't miss a single cca outing but now I am considering whether or not to go ice skating on Monday. It really doesn't feel good having your best friend (or someone whom you see as your best friend) just start hating you.

I really don't know what I have done, and apparantly, the choice to find out doesn't lie with me. But I guess, if I don't remember meaning any harm and did not ever have any bad intentions there is not reason to feel bad? It is really very horrible to feel guilty over something you do not even know why. Yet I feel like I am being taken for granted.

But I guess, she is now relieved to have xy back. And I feel less worried now.

Today wasn't a good day. But I suppose it could be worse. I feel kinda bad for her. As I said, anything that everyone is trying to do is out of care and concern and I hope she does not misunderstand our intentions. Once again, I do not want anyone to take sides.

And it appears that I am the one who caused the hurt first. Without knowing how. I am not sure if I want to know actually. Probably, eventually I'll need to know I guess. But why am I afraid if I have a clear conscience? Whatever it is, I am not a perfect person. I make my mistakes and maybe, this time I made a really serious one without knowing it. I don't know.

Right now, I just pray that she is okay. Because I still care for her, no matter how she sees me now.

Another long day. Just slept after coming home and washing up, :P
We had Emath in the library today because Mrs Chan hurt her knee. Poor Mrs Chan :( I felt so sad for her when I heard someone say "Mrs Chan is coming!" and I hear the tapping of the crutch.

On the happier side, xy gave me a music lanyard, since she knew I was looking for one but all those we saw at ps yesterday were really ugly. :P

Sigh, the situation has evolved to become something I can no longer describe. Most of the time, when I look meet any of them, I get a wry smile instead of the usually happy smile. I think. I really really hope to see everyone be happy again. I was kinda stupid to have mentioned my proposed solution to it. I think it upset xy a little so I apologized, to my relief, she just waved off the apology and told me not to think about such things anymore.

Anyway, I feel really grateful towards the friends who are not involved but are giving us emotional support and strength.
For a special mention, I thank God for ac, who has been giving me encouragements and so on be it through her own words or thru bible verses and also mx, cl, ef and jl for being such cheerful people who really  subconsciously or maybe consciously cheer me up :) and sk and tk for being so nice and sensitive although they are younger. ym her comfort and encouragement.

Some people ask me why I am still being affected and ever tried so hard to fix things. I would have to say is also because I treasure the times we had together and appreciate the things that she did. But I really do not know what is going on now and as of now, it seems kinda un-salvageable. Like I always say, it has to be mutual.  As of now, I just don't want to be misunderstood. I don't want anyone to take sides.

Anyway, I realise that sometimes, the toughest situations bring out the best in people, show us the good things we've never seen in others and opens our insight to the world.

Still, I'm excited for Friday's sleepover. :)) I hope hugging bear can make it. Honestly, I do miss spending time with her. sigh, the good old days :) I'm pretty excited for the carnival too, in fact, really excited. Can't wait for friday.

Oh! and I just learnt to pluck/strum safe and sound of hunger games on the guitar. ;)

A sacrifice and a compromise.
Honestly, I just hope that this works out and everyone will be happy again.

So its back to school again. Exciting week ahead with amath test over and carnival coming on etc.

I failed my chem test T.T I really hate how it must take a failure to wake me up. But at least I wake up. I've decided to make a list of all the stuff I am unsure about chem and arrange a consultation with Mr. Yeo, just like how I do with Mrs Chan.

I feel kinda fuzzy and weird inside now, unfortunately, not the good kind of fuzzy I usually post about, cause of what I am preparing to face tomorrow. I feel really really scared but yet I can't put my finger on what  I am scared of. Something that has been accumulated, hidden, bottled in for 3 years may be found out tomorrow. Till now, I am still not sure if I want to know. Did I really commit such a terrible "crime" that I am not even aware of? Have I subconsciously caused hurt that is so deep it leads to how things are today? I'm not sure if I want to know, or if I would eventually even find out. I mean, it makes me scared to think, 3 years is a really long time. And YET, if I do not find out, I'll never know the answer to..a lot of things.

Well, however this may be resolved/case closed tomorrow, I hope that from tomorrow onward, everything can be back to normal and the clique can be happy again. Almost. I also hope to be happy in CCA again, because SC robotics is one of the few places that I feel that I truly belong.

Good morning, its easter Sunday. Hallelujah :)

I'll update about yesterday first. Well, yesterday was mostly spent at CIP for WRT. Its a new experience and I'll have to say its quite awesome. The people there are all really friendly. BUT. I just had to do stupid things again. I had no idea, how it happened but when I was sorta jogging towards my bag, I just tripped and fell. Over nothing. Might be my shoe though. Yeowch. It actually hurt quite a lot but its gone today. The worse thing to do is to fall in front of guys T.T cause girls are supposed to be graceful and stuff. sigh. hehz
Saturday would have been better if I wasn't so troubled by that thing. I can't even tell if I was more angry or hurt. I was so confused I wasn't thinking anymore. People were smsing me telling me a lot of different things. Some were pretty harsh but at least that was out of goodwill. I was conflicted by what I heard and seen. I had absolutely no idea what to do. I even smsed Vanessa to ask if anything happens, I could have a place in their clique. But jn said they wouldn't let me "out" so easily. Some tells me to give up, some tells me to grit my teeth and hang on. Now what? Anyway, CG helped me feel a little better yesterday. Somehow it always does.

I guess I'll also feel kinda bad if I told vanessa that I need to join them and eventually stay where I am. And I am really grateful for her sms. I think I'll join them on some days anyway, like once or twice a week.

I'm not quite sure how I am going to face tomorrow when everybody is gonna come and clear out stuff and I have a feeling its not going to be a gentle one. I am not sure also, how this will be solved eventually. But I do hope it is soon. I just hope everyone will be happy again. And I hope to find the bounce in my feet again. Without falling over ;)

Blessed Easter <3

I really wanted a peaceful good friday but I am really reaching the top already. no wait that sounds weird. I can't phrase it properly xD Arghh.. I've never been so angry and hurt that things that aren't usually that funny are extremely funny now.

I just don't know if I can go through tomorrow, which was supposed to be a happy day too. 

Yes, there is a need to solve this if it was actually possible that both sides are willing to sit down and LISTEN to what the other party to say. If the problem, which I highly suspect is just a small misunderstanding, is not cleared, we will just continue hurting each other. I have no intention of doing so and apparently, I am doing something that I am not aware I am doing? Why would I invite someone I want to hurt to a movie? 

Today passed really quickly.
The lessons were pretty boring, except for Amath surprisingly.

Anyway, the situation is kinda getting worse. I just felt like a mixture of confusion, anger, disappointment and sadness all at the same time. Many people tell me to just give up on it already and be happy. On Sunday, I told my self that instead of giving up, I would let go. But I tried being neutral and everything but things just got stupider. I just don't want my clique to fall apart. I really miss the days when we were one big family, 8 of us sitting round the table. Joy usually dines with Vanessa and company and yimei will Kasee and company. Even though it was usually all k-pop. Lol. allkpop. and stuff but it was still happy and all.
I kinda feel bad now cause if I just pretended that nothing was wrong then maybe the others wouldn't noticed it in the first place. Not that much anyways. I am not too sure about whats going on on xy's side but I don't really want to pry right now.
Then it came to me that this just might work. Maybe it would help for me to kinda, leave the clique? I think I might try that out for one day and see what happens, might help me understand what actually is the problem. The weirdest part is, I really have to idea what is going on.
And  I just really do want to solve it(ideally) or end it but things always seem to make this impossible. But if God brought me through sec 1, I suppose theres nothing He can't carry me through.
I'll think of something.

In any case, for now, I am just going to have dinner, play a few games to chill out and spend some time in quiet to prepare for tomorrow.

Whew. Glad today is over. Well, at least the school part.
Had Oral English Prelim Today. Was feeling pretty ok until the part when I got to prepare for the reading and picture. I had absolutely no idea what was happening in the picture. For a moment I actually thought that it was an FLL playfield. But there was no robot and the stuff on the table looked too small to be FLL props.
Anyway, I just said it was "some sort of tabletop game". The reading was alright. But during the conversation and picture discussion, I realised that I still can't say words like "properly", "probably". I'll say "proprely" and "probrebry" xD Ms Lee laughed when I said that the sport that I disliked was rugby  and when I said I didn't like people coming really close to me and that my stamina is really low.Most of that was made up xD hehz. Except the stamina part, unfortunately. -.-

Chem Prac today was fun. Got to bring home some lead compound crystals, which were really nice. You could buy a test tube for 45 cents and they'll seal the crystals in for you. I think I added too much lead (II) nitrate so my crystals were relativelt little and small. But this leads me to think of some cheem-ish. stuff.

I thought that my yellow crystals were absolutely beautiful until I saw others' crystals -- so much bigger, so much more sparkly. Then I started to feel quite disappointed towards my own crystals.

Ah well. Reminds me of a chinese compre I did before. If we keep on comparing ourselves to others, we will never be happy.

Still - Hillsong

Anyway, this has been the song that has encouraged me recently. However, the song that can best describe what I have been feeling since the whole complicated thing started is 21 guns ;/ There were some anti-christian interpretations to it but I definitely don't see it that way.

Still - Hillsong (Chinese and English versions)

21 Guns: