Hi. Haven't posted in a long time. I have been busy with school and studying. O levels is only 39 days away. The coming seems so close, yet the end of it seems so agonizingly far away~
These days have been fluctuative. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But definitely tiring and stressful.

Its the 13th August. And I'm currently spending my last 1 hr + of my official childhood.
Looking back, it was a tough, but amazing journey.

Despite the trails and difficulties and all the not so nice feelings/happenings, especially throughout this year, I know that God has blessed me with wonderful friends. It wasn't easy finding a group where I belonged in school. Generally, people who are a little different, dopey, etc, just find it difficult to find a place, in this case in school. In school, there are generally 3 places where I feel like I belong -- 3GR/4GR, Robotics and with the VILLAGE.

The whole village thing came about when I realised that our circle of friends was generally bigger than other cliques. Also, pretty much more diverse. Hence, eventually, we refer to our circle of friends as the Village.

And since last year, Ive had a moment named after me. Called the Shannon Moment. (obviously)..
Its just used to describe me when I am blur, do something clumsy or dumb, or just forgetful. Then it started to be used on others when they have such moments. xD

If I were to reflect on stuff now, it will probably be melo and deep and long.

But as for now, I think, I just hope, that with the coming of the 14th August, is not just another birthday, but a day that I can make a commitment, to continue living to the fullest, to be a Testimony to God and a help to people.

Last night, I read a post/comment of facebook from some time back that I wished I hadn't read.
Now I feel even worse about the thing that happened almost 6 months back.

It seriously feels like adsasjfid..
Its like a double slap from last time someone told me it is likely that I didn't do my presentation with enthusiasm.
Its bad enough to be struggling with your studies and yet have to work hard to keep up with a 6 year expectation. I really don't know whether to feel sad or mad or disappointed about that comment, but I really wish I didn't read it.
Now thinking back, I really wonder if I should have been in ef. I didn't have the technical competency, nor the brilliant mind. and sometimes I just wonder that if someone with more experience were to take my place, whether it would have turned out differently.

Sigh.. okok, I shall not think about it.

Its gonna be Sunday soon. I think I slacked off my saturday again T.T and prelims is next week. For some reason, I just can't seem to force myself to study on Saturdays. I need to MUG tomorrow. At the same time, I have to finish building my bakery and editing by this week cuz I don't wanna eat into my prelims.

This week was relatively alright.
Went for my DPA interview on Monday. Good thing aunt went with me. Otherwise I'll be a lost duck -.- as usual..Totally forgot how to walk the sheltered way thru engineering school to get to TCA. The interview surprisingly wasn't scary but I don't feel I have very much "ba wo" since the other applicants were all really good. And we are only 6 among so many. I really was that place very much tho. Still have that twinge of hope inside me. But like aryee said, if this is the right way to walk, God will path the way for me~

School was stressful, not only in terms of studies. But in many other ways too. There are some not so nice stuff that we settled but there is still some discomfort in me. I hope good friend is doing ok. I feel so disgustingly conflicted. Still trapped in unknown (and irrational??) guilt and confusion. Although I don't show it, it really feels disgusting. I feel like I'm being punished for something but I don't know what that something is. Despite my frustration, I still do care about her.

But at the same time, in this period of time, I've really seen the side of my friends that I've never seen before. Difficult times do bring out the best in people sometimes. Just to name a few, JoN, I think I never really knew her but my respect for her just grew even more. yt, her rationality in handling situations. Ni, for her sensitivity and encouraging-ness..xy for her effort to bring out the best in her friends and her resilience, mx for understanding and sensitivity, ym for just giving me a strange sense of safety and comfort, kw, for that little action that changed my week. There are so many other people, in church, at home that have been really awesome but I shall leave that for another time. God is really good, for letting me have all these people in my life~

It was fun doing sound today. And  I am quite satisfied with how the bulletin turned out today too :) God always works in our lives to make these possible~
Today, the article is one of those that strike me heavily. Just like the article on footprints in the sand a few years back. Thus the name of my blog and my tumblr. Its about a train and the passengers. Basically, it really reminds me to put my focus back on what is truly important and not be caught in the frenzy of fulfilling seemingly important tasks.

I'm going for my interview for DPA into TP tomorrow. After yesterday, I started to wonder if there was even a need to DPA. But now that I've already come this 'far', I'll just be honest and confident tomorrow I guess. Just hope I wouldn't miss out too much in school.
Last night I also have a sudden fear, whether I really belong in the poly path. Maybe its from seeing all my seniors' JC photos on my facebook newsfeed. It really would be a whole new environment. And like xy said, it is a risky path but if I don't take the risk, my ambition and passion will just get further away each time i miss an opportunity. She said that therefore, I really must be the best if I want to take this path.
That, last night, also suddenly (and scarily) made me consider if I really wanted to go into FandB. But I think its just because of the nerves and tiredness cause I feel slightly surer today. I guess.

Finally the end of another exhausting and crazy week. I wanna work on my bakery but kinda tired now and maybe mum won't let me sleep too late.
Worship prac was great today. It was fun and rejuvenating. After one week of rushing around, rushing emotions, competing with time etc..slowing down and spending time with God really calms me down.

Just looking back, the past weeks I was just so frenzied that I hardly have time to stop and think. But I think that after all that has happened, I really did become stronger and better at handling ..stuff..I think. After all, #what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I am eagerly awaiting the end of Olevels. In fact, eagerly would be an understatement. But definitely, I know I'm gonna miss a lot of things and a lot of people.

And one thing for sure. I know that the path I am going to take is gonna start out as a lonely one. Hopefully, I will be able to adjust, and find a new group of buddehs. 

Its been really crazy so far, with so many things happening. 

Its the first time I'm experiencing such a thing. And its just a horrible sinking feeling. Not only of the incident itself, but also of wanting to do something to help, but you just can't. 

It makes me realise how fragile life is. And we should really live each day to the fullest. May God bless her and her family and all those around her, and may she rest in peace..

The things that have been happening also makes me think, what are we really doing with our lives. Have we been treating those around us well? Treasure the things we have instead of taking them for granted? Put ourselves into others shoes? 

I think in this frenzied atmosphere, young people sometimes, have really lost sight of what truly matters.