back again?

I expected I would blog about my trip to Australia since it was such a good time..ah well but never found the time or the determination to do so. Yet when I am back blogging so suddenly, you know its because I need to rant. -.-

nah..I wouldn't say I;m emotional or depressed or upset or anything. Just really really really deep in thought. So I have to apologize to the math teachers for that permenantly blank look I have on my face the past lessons.

FLL is coming. Again. I can still remember how it was like last year. It felt like only a few months ago. I can feel that same determination rise up inside again. Although my team did not win anything last year. The amount of things I learnt and the experiences I had was amazing. Frankly external fusion 2011 was an inspiration. I think we have to live up to that name. In less than a week, we'll be back at the Science centre defending that 6 year long championship. I thought last year was hard but apparantly I am quite wrong. This year is like a journey to the Land of far far away in Shrek the Movie or something. Its really not just the workload but a whole lot more is involved.

Right now, as I said, I am not feeling depressed or emotional or angry or any negative feeling. No actually I'm not sure if it is a negative feeling. I am feeling burdened. Maybe I think too much. And too little at the same time. Academics is not longer my thing. It was like, 10 thousand years ago since I stood on stage, with that prefect's tie neatly positioned on my uniform and holding that little red popular voucher and the certificate that signified academic achievement. Well, but what is past is past. Studies is just one of what I have been pondering about. (Not one of the tests I took since school reopened went particularly well)

Second, I haven't had the time to make any videos for my youtube account. The suscriber count is at 512. Lost about 30 or so from not posting much but thats okay. I mean, its kinda comforting in a way that 512 people around the world know you and appreciate what you do. Then, there will be those HATERS. Who just love hating. Ah well, youtube is part of the real world too O.O

Next on, (yea theres more) so many things have been happening around me. There are people who i really care for and really want to help but sometimes I just can't. The other day, someone said I was strong. No, not really. You never know what its like inside. Sometimes, it really does feel like you're hardly in control of anything. Recently, stuff on facebook is beginning to bug me a little. They suddenly seem so superficial. I just realised that the two sentences before this one does not link at all xD haha.

But I have to admit, I have never been so lost and scared before until recently. Some stuff happened recently and it was so scary and I just felt like -- I'm too young to handle this. But the adults do not understand. I can't tell and it seemed like its all up to me now. One wrong move and it could make a whole difference. I was honestly and practically scared to the point that I was shaking and can't stand still .  Maybe I overreacted/am overreacting.

Friends are indeed very important at this stage. I love my friends as long as they are my friends :))) That was mushy. But YEA I DO! Thats why I always have that habit of telling them "watch the roaddd!!!!" whenever we leave. Its funny really. I'm thankful for awesome friends that are there to hear me out. Funny how its actually harder to talk to the friends I always hang out with. Not that they are not good listeners cause I do confide to them and they are willing to listen but its just that different feel. People who know me would probably realise that I characteristically can't speak very clearly.Which explains the TSUNAMI of words once I come and rant on the blog.  I found out recently that I have a characteristically wierd walk as well. Its no wonder my closest friends call me wierd. heh. Its not a bad thing altogether. I can't describe it...hmm..

Another important thing, I'm not religious. I just live by what I believe in. And one thing that is really keeping me going recently is "And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 cor. 10: 13. Temptations referring to trails/ difficulties. 


Suddenly I don't know how to conclude this. hahaha. tsk..its back to math and chemistry and fll then. EF, CC FTW <3 Sigh, honestly robotics is the only thing that I find harder to let go when I graduate. Somehow, CCA and the people in it seems to have a stronger attachment to you. Just like how I still miss dance and calligraphy. But seems like robotics and its members and the memories and experiences will stick longer. Since I'm older when I experienced gym and then robotics. 




Awkward conclusion..XD 


So anyway, I would just want to thank those that listened to me rant and if you actually came here to read it then thanks for hearing me out and always being available to listen and being supportive right now. I wish I could be equally helpful to you guys at some point. And I'll be really impressed if you actually read that whole chunk or rubbish rant up there.