Really Tired~
Been thinking about a lot of things today. Left retreat early to go to CIP but I kinda regretted it cuz the meeting wasn't as important and essential as they put it. But important anyways :/ I mean..yea..
Retreat was meaningful and fun. Better than the previous one I felt. Partially also because of the things that happened over the past year. Its nice yet not nice to think back.
And I think I was way too tired that I was having a lot a lot of messy thoughts in my head. Things have changed so much from how they used to be in the past :[
I wonder if I had become a better friend/person as I grow up. For some reason, that bothers me a lot.
I guess shes right. I'm just enjoying the attention. But that really bad and I feel kinda bad about it. I'm gonna start "afresh" from tomorrow on. Not gonna talk about it anymore.

Also, I realise that there are so much more to people that we don't know about. For some reason, due to my own experiences and thoughts, I can understand. Yet I don't know how to show it. I have never been good at words. And I'm not quite sure if anyone actually do take my letters seriously. Not that I'm doubting anyone but just wondering if it actually helped them. I really do think that helping people is important. But at the same time, I just wonder what I can do. I am well aware that I'm the weird one, especially in school, (nothing to be ashamed of, yet nothing to boast about)
I can hardly help my closest friends, who are a bunch of Kpop fanatics. but they are really a bunch of really nice people. Its hard to relate to them and makes me miss the days when conversation was not all about Kpop. Its perfectly fine to fangirl but I personally feel like sometimes, the line is crossed. I really cannot name a very close friend that is not into kpop.
I dunno but I find that sometimes, just sometimes, these things make things superficial. Not that the people are superficial but like I said, theres a limit. I mean I do personally have a favoured kpop band but I don't spend most of my time on it. Neither is it my topic of conversation 99% of the time. I feel..that there are more important things than that..
I don't hold anything against my friends who are fans of Kpop but yea, things did use to be different. And I "ownself" said it, times change and people change to adapt. Somehow this is where the world takes us.
As you can probably tell by now that this is one of the posts that I suddenly go super deep but this is what happens when I do reflect on stuff.

I guess its right that whatever we take for granted we would lose at some point or another, be it for a short time or for good. Except God. We've probably taken Him for granted loads of times but He's always there ready to have us back again.

Anyway, I still wonder what others see in me. And wonder if that is important. More than just a clumsy, goofy, slightly 'derpy' sotong I hope :'D Many people have told me that I'm too nice. Wonder what nice means actually. But like I mentioned last time, I think things would have been much easier if I was a little bit more normal?? I took the DISC test last night during retreat and Jo roughly helped me look through it and told me that the results are like hers. Which surprised me quite a bit. But I guess I'll only find out the results and the interpretation tomorrow.

This really is a very long post. Still pondering about a lot of things but I hope I can start to 'do better' tomorrow. I have been so caught up with work, social life that I have honestly forgotten what is truly important.

But I guess its not too late to change now. And hope that I bear this in mind. and not get too caught in social norms. Just to be normal. So sometimes, ironically, contradictoringly, its good to be weird.